When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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