I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
