opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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