i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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