Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
