yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
