Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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