i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
