I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
