she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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