bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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