They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
