Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
