how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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