Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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