I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
