ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
