She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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