Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
