i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
