and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
