Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
