This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize