Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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