I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
