I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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