her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
this just has baby written all over it
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
