Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
