Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
