so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
How does one acquire holy water?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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