What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
