last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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