Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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