Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
