I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
