the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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