how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
