Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
