I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Randomize
