can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
