The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
