ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
