Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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