I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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