Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
