yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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