White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
