omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
