Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
