Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
