Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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